what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
