he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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