I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
