I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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