I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
