I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
