I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
