You're my little dorito
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
God gave him joint rollers for hands
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
