I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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