What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
