I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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