I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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