1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
