I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
my liver is dry heaving
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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