she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
These tits shall not be calmed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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