are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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