just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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