he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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