I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
