do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
