We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
