I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Floor bacon is actually really good
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
