This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
