I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
