so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
