The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
