i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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