He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
