Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
