Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
either way he was missing a nipple.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
