Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
operation harelip BJ is a go
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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