birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
