Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize