did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
