You're my little dorito
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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