I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
