he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
