no, he came in my armpit
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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