There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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