There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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