Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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