i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
