awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
