I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
