i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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