How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
