Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
