There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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