It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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