Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
