ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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