my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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