he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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