I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
