Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
