remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
