So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize