she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
